


Always, but not forever

by emi_chan6



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bottom Oikawa Tooru, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru Angst, M/M, Pining, Smut, Top Ushijima Wakatoshi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:41:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26965357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emi_chan6/pseuds/emi_chan6
Summary: Oikawa is ready to embark on the next stage of his life and head to university  with Iwaizumi, the love of his life, by his side. That is, until he discovers a secret that leads him straight into the arms of Ushijima.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 125





	Always, but not forever

Oikawa thundered down the stairs in front of Iwaizumi who chuckled watching his boyfriend of almost three years, marvelling that fact that he never seemed to run out of energy. The pair was on their way out to brunch. It was a tradition they had started at the beginning of the year as third years and now, on the very last Sunday of their very last year of high school, they would be doing it for the very last time. 

“Iwa-Chan, hurry up!” Oikawa whined, as he slipped his shoes on. 

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Quit it, I’m right behind you.” He reached into his pocket for his keys and, finding nothing, started back up the stairs. “Forgot my keys, I’ll be back.” 

Oikawa let out a dramatic sigh and stuck a hand on his hip, looking like a model posing on the end of a runway. He groaned as his hollow stomach rumbled. Distracting himself, he started filing through mail that was piling up on the shelf beside Iwaizumi’s door. He picked up an architecture magazine and thumbed through it, sighing and putting it down again. The glossy magazine slid off the top of the pile, causing the rest of the mail to cascade onto the floor like a waterfall. Oikawa picked up the mail absentmindedly, not thinking anything of what he was looking at, until he saw a thick envelope that jumped out at him. 

“What the…” Oikawa muttered under his breath as he picked it up. 

The envelope was from Kyoto University. Oikawa’s heartbeat inside his chest, slowly at first, and then louder and louder like it was trying to break free from its cage. His eyes narrowed as he stared at the envelope. He put it down, trying not to worry about it, trying not to overthink. He and Iwaizumi were both attending the University of Tokyo in the fall. They had filled out the applications together, requested to share a dorm room, and had even started selecting their classes. So, there was nothing to worry about. Still, as his eyes travelled back to the envelope that he had just set back down, Oikawa burned with curiosity about its contents. Unable to resist, he picked the envelope up again. Luckily it had already been opened and he didn’t have to break the seal. He slid the contents out, eyes scanning the document on the top of the thick package of papers. It was an acceptance letter. Oikawa’s breath caught in his throat as he read the first few lines of the letter, shoving it back inside when he heard Iwaizumi’s footsteps on the stairs. 

“Actually, Iwa-Chan…” Oikawa called. “I got a text from my mom and she needs my help with something at home!”

Iwaizumi picked up the pace to get to the bottom of the stairs and was beside Oikawa before he had a chance to leave. “What about brunch?” He knit his brow as his eyes bore into Oikawa’s. 

“Sorry. Another time, okay?” Oikawa placed a dry peck on Iwaizumi’s cheek, offering a forced smile before opening the door. Even though it was his choice to be leaving, his stomach sunk, knowing it was the last chance for their traditional brunch. 

Iwaizumi nodded, still furrowing his brow in confusion. “Okay, babe. Call me later? Maybe we could get dinner instead.” 

“Sure. Maybe.” Oikawa said, avoiding eye contact as he rushed out the door. 

Once outside, Oikawa let out a shaky breath. His thoughts were a broken jigsaw puzzle. He didn’t understand why Iwaizumi would even apply to Kyoto U. They were going to Tokyo together; it had been their plan for years. Judging by the date of the acceptance letter, Iwa had applied for Kyoto after he had already heard back from Tokyo. When they had been looking at universities together, Iwaizumi hadn’t even expressed an interest in going anywhere else. He had only mentioned he wanted to go to school together. Oikawa felt his eyes fill with hot tears and he tried to shove the thoughts and questions out of his mind. He broke into a jog and by the time he got home, he was drenched in sweat. 

Later that evening, Oikawa was melting into his couch, the television droning on, dulling the screaming thoughts inside his head. The doorbell rang and he lazily got up to answer it, instinctively moving his hair from his eyes. He swung the door open and stood face to face with Iwaizumi. 

“You never answered my text.” Iwaizumi said, stepping inside without waiting for an invitation. 

Oikawa sighed. “I haven’t been looking at my phone.” He chuckled a bit, despite his terrible mood. “Sure, c’mon in.” He rolled his eyes and closed the door behind them. He walked back to the couch and sat down, leaving a spot for Iwaizumi beside him. 

“So, how’d it go with your mom?” 

Oikawa raised an eyebrow. “Huh? What are you talking about?” 

“You said you had to help your mom with something…” Iwaizumi said, he found the remote that was wedged in a crack in the couch and turned the tv off, shifting his body to face Oikawa on the couch. 

“Right. It went fine.” Oikawa mumbled. He tugged at a loose thread on his sleeve. 

“I’ve known you forever. Stop lying.” 

Oikawa took a deep breath, feeling his face heat up. He turned to face Iwaizumi. “I hate how well you know me.” He said with a sad smile. “You’re right, I wasn’t helping my mom.” 

Iwaizumi just nodded a response, encouraging Oikawa to continue explaining. 

“I left earlier because…” He paused and the nails on one of his hands into the palm of his other. “…because… I saw the letter.” 

Iwaizumi raised his eyebrows. “Letter?” 

Oikawa stared at him for a moment before realizing that Iwaizumi was, in fact, completely clueless to why he was upset. “I saw your acceptance letter to Kyoto.” 

Iwaizumi stared, dumbfounded, at Oikawa, blinking again and again. “Tooru…” He said at an almost whisper.

Oikawa kept his eyes glued to the ground for a few moments until he felt Iwa’s fingers on his chin lifting his face up towards him. He looked up at Iwaizumi and stared into his eyes. He looked at him for a brief moment before looking away, trying to hide the sadness that crept into his usually dancing eyes. 

“Tooru, please, let me explain.” Iwaizumi continued to speak but Oikawa avoided his eyes.

Oikawa shook his head and shrunk away. “No. It’s too late for that. I think I understand perfectly.” His eyes narrowed as he looked back at Iwaizumi’s expectant face. “We don’t want the same things.” He shrugged and got up from the couch, walking to the kitchen and starting to load the dishwasher with dirty dishes that had been piling up for the past few days. 

Iwaizumi walked behind him and stood like a statue for a moment. He wanted to wrap his arms around Oikawa’s waist, pull him close, and kiss his neck. But as much as that’s what he wished he could do, his feet remained planted across the kitchen from Oikawa. He stared at Oikawa’s back for a moment as if willing him to turn around. But he didn’t. Iwaizumi shook his head, scoffing, before turning to leave. He grabbed his jacket off the chair near the door, turning around one last time before leaving. 

“You’re right. I guess we don’t want the same things.” Iwaizumi said and without waiting for Oikawa to answer he opened the door and slipped out into the cool night air. 

Oikawa dropped the plate he had been rinsing in the sink, bringing shaky hands to his face as he let out a sob. He drew in a wracking breath, trying to compose himself. He breathed slowly out, wiping his eyes, as he picked up the plate and continued what he was doing. Oikawa finished doing the dishes and, stupidly, checked his phone. There were no messages. Nothing from Iwaizumi, not even to let him know he had arrived home safely. Oikawa went back to the couch and continued watching the show he had started before Iwaizumi came over. As he stared at the tv, the colours started to blur together, the voices a nonsensical chorus. He squinted several times, trying to focus, but despite his efforts, all he could think of was Iwaizumi. 

“Fuck!” Oikawa exclaimed and shut off the television, violently slamming the remote on the coffee table. He shut off all the lights and went to bed, putting on the familiar t-shirt he slept in every night. If he inhaled deep enough, he could still smell Iwaizumi’s familiar scent. Oikawa stared up at the glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling for what felt like centuries before he finally drifted into a restless sleep. 

The following days passed in a blur. What should have been an exciting time, the last week of high school, felt like torture to Oikawa. He did everything he could to avoid Iwaizumi. He dodged him in the hallways, stayed late in certain classes so they didn’t cross paths, and even had someone else empty his locker for him so he didn’t risk bumping into Iwaizumi there. It seemed that his tactics were effective. That is, until the very last day of school. 

Oikawa had somehow gotten cornered talking to a girl that had been chasing him since he was a first year. She was droning on about her summer plans and he didn’t know how to get out of the conversation without being rude. What he hadn’t realized is that as they talked, Iwaizumi’s class just down the hall had let out. Oikawa didn’t even think about the risk of bumping into him until he heard Iwaizumi’s familiar voice speak up behind him. 

“Tooru.” Iwaizumi said. 

Oikawa rolled his eyes and ignored him, his interest in the girl suddenly increasing as he realized he’d need a good excuse to not talk to Iwa-Chan. 

Iwaizumi sighed and took a step closer, grabbing Oikawa by the arm and turning him around to face him, pulling him so close that their chests were almost touching. “I need to talk to you, idiot.” 

“That’s too bad. Can’t you see I’m busy?” Oikawa said and turned to gesture towards the girl he had been talking to, but as he looked back, she was already gone. He groaned as he saw her heading the opposite direction down the hallway. 

Iwaizumi scoffed. “Yeah, you seem really busy.” He rolled his eyes and tightened his grip on Oikawa’s arm, pulling him into a nearby empty classroom. 

Oikawa yanked his arm away, his brow furrowed. “What do you think you’re doing?” 

“Explaining myself.” Iwaizumi said with a shrug.

Oikawa tried to get to the door of the classroom to leave but Iwaizumi was faster and positioned himself between Oikawa and his way out. “Get out of my way.”

“No.” 

“Iwa-Chan, I’m not playing around. I don’t want to talk to you.” Oikawa said, his jaw set as he stared at Iwaizumi. 

“You don’t have to talk, you just have to listen.” Iwa said and waited for a protest from Oikawa. When he didn’t say anything, Iwaizumi continued. “I should have told you about Kyoto. I wanted to…” 

“But instead you just kept making plans with me for the future?” Oikawa interrupted, glaring. 

Iwaizumi clasped a hand over Oikawa’s mouth, silencing him. “I wanted to… but I didn’t want to hurt you. I thought… I thought I’d find the right time. But it never came.” 

Oikawa just stared at him, blinking. He bit his lip beneath Iwaizumi’s hand, willing himself not to cry. 

“I can’t say anything except I’m sorry.” Iwa let go of Oikawa’s mouth and looked down. 

“Not good enough.” Oikawa said and glared at him. “You let me think we had a future together when really, you weren’t even considering me when you were planning yours.” 

“You’re wrong. I want a future with you.” Iwa said. He was speaking in a tone Oikawa had never heard before, almost pleading. 

Oikawa shrugged. “Well, I guess you should have thought of that sooner.” He said and reached past Iwaizumi for the doorknob, eager to get out of the classroom he was trapped in. “We’re over.” Oikawa said coldly and swung the door open, knocking Iwa out of the way as he left the room. 

Oikawa rushed down the hallway, fighting through a sea of excited seniors ready for the next stage of their life, ignoring anyone who tried to get his attention. He gasped for air as he finally burst through the doors to the outside courtyard. Several minutes later, when he heard his phone go off, he was brought back to reality. He looked around at his surroundings. He was far from school already, with no recollection of getting there. Oikawa rummaged in his pocket for his cell phone, glaring at the screen when he saw who was calling.

“What could you possibly want?” He growled as he picked up. 

There was silence on the other line until a deep voice responded, “To talk to you. Why else would I call?” 

“I thought you understood that I want nothing to do with you.” Oikawa said. He sat down on a nearby bench, leaning his head back and staring up at the clouds above him. In this moment, he wished he were a cloud, floating carefree through blue sky. He was brought out of his gaze when he heard the voice on the phone.

“So you say. But I wanted to see if you could meet up.” 

Oikawa took a deep breath before he responded. “Ushiwaka. Why would I want to meet up with you?” 

“Please.” 

Oikawa was taken aback by Ushijima’s politeness. His scowl turned into a small smirk. “Oh, are you begging me?”

“No.” 

“Fine, then I guess we can’t meet up.” Oikawa said, clicking his tongue. 

More silence. “Fine. I’m begging.” 

“I still haven’t heard you beg though.” Oikawa’s eyes sparkled. 

Ushijima sighed loudly. “Please, please meet up with me. I… beg you.” He shuddered as he said the last part. 

Oikawa grinned, despite his current state of melancholy. Being rude to Ushijima always made him feel better. “Aw. How cute.”

“Is that a yes?” 

“When and where?” 

“Come to Shiratorizawa. Tomorrow.” 

Oikawa rolled his eyes. He thought he had heard the last of Ushijima trying to convince him to go to that school. “Tomorrow is Saturday.” 

“I’ll see you there.” Ushijima said and hung up the phone. 

Oikawa rolled his eyes, chuckling a bit. “Still as weird as he was when we met.” 

After talking with Ushijima he felt somewhat better. Although he hated the guy, Oikawa felt like he had something to look forward to. Or, at the very least, a reason to wake up on Saturday morning. He looked down at his phone again and after seeing no attempts from Iwaizumi to try and contact him, he kept walking home.

A pounding headache greeted Oikawa as he woke up on Saturday morning. He groaned and hid his head under a pillow, remembering the events of Friday. He still hadn’t heard from Iwaizumi and the last message he had received was from Ushijima regarding what time they’d be meeting up. He slowly got out of bed, taking a long shower, before plying himself with coffee in an attempt to rid himself of the migraine he was experiencing. By the time he was supposed to meet up with Ushijima, the headache had gone, but his heartache had returned. He was acutely aware of the fact that he and Iwaizumi had broken up and everything he looked at reminded him of Iwa. He frowned as he looked at the college class handbook on his desk. He no longer felt excited for the adventure of going off to college. Oikawa slid the course catalogue off of his desk into the trash bin before leaving to meet up with Ushijima. 

“Oi. Ushiwaka. Are you here or what?” Oikawa’s voice echoed in the pristine gym of Shiratorizawa as he arrived, looking around for Ushijima. He checked his watch. He was a bit early. Oikawa sat down on the bleachers on the side of the gym and scrolled mindlessly through social media apps while he waited for Ushijima to arrive. 

“Oikawa.” Ushijima’s voice startled him out of his daze. 

“You’re late.” Oikawa glared as Ushijima sat down beside him. 

Ushijima held up his cell phone to show the time. “No, I’m not.” 

Oikawa rolled his eyes and moved away from him a bit, not immune to the pleasing scent of Ushijima’s cologne. “So whaddya want?” 

“You.” Ushijima said. He was completely straight faced as he looked at Oikawa, who turned red immediately. 

Oikawa laughed, his laugh bringing a smile to Ushijima’s face. “What do you mean?” 

Ushijima stared. “I want you.” 

Oikawa, now starting to think Ushijima wasn’t joking, furrowed his brow. When Ushijima placed his strong hand on top of his, he didn’t move away. 

“I know you hate me. But I couldn’t let you go away for college without telling you.” 

Oikawa was surprised to see Ushijima’s face turn deep red as he spoke. “I… I’ve never hated you.” 

Ushijima turned to look at him, his expression softening from his usual stoicism. “You haven’t?” 

Oikawa shook his head, cocking it to the side a bit. “You’re a strong opponent. I wanted to beat you. That doesn’t mean I hate you.” 

“But you’re so rude.” Ushijima said bluntly. Oikawa felt like he had been smacked in the face. 

“You don’t make it easy to get along with you.” Oikawa shrugged. 

Ushijima looked down, fiddling with the fabric of his track pants. “I know that.” 

Oikawa stared. He had never seen Ushijima vulnerable before and he suddenly felt bad for telling him something so bluntly. “Sorry. I didn’t mean that…” Oikawa said quickly. He moved closer to Ushijima on the bench. 

“It’s fine. You’re not wrong.” Ushijima chuckled a bit and Oikawa couldn’t help but note that he looked handsome when he loosened up a bit. “I was actually hoping…” He paused and took a deep breath. “I was hoping that you would go out with me.” 

Oikawa just looked at him. 

“I know you’re dating Iwaizumi. But I couldn’t let you leave without ‘shooting my shot’.” Ushijima put the last phrase in air quotes, causing Oikawa to laugh at his expense. 

He was about to shut Ushijima down, because he was dating Iwaizumi, but then he realized they weren’t actually dating anymore. His stomach was in knots as he responded, knowing it was a bad idea, but something inside him made it impossible to resist. “Actually, we broke up.” 

Ushijima smiled and quickly turned away so Oikawa couldn’t see it. 

“Try to be a bit less happy about that.” Oikawa scoffed. 

“Sorry. Are you okay?” 

Oikawa felt as though he was about to cry. Ushijima’s earnest concern made his heart sink into his stomach. He hadn’t told anyone about he and Iwaizumi breaking up and didn’t think Ushijima would be the first person to find out. As soon as he said it out loud, it seemed more real. “I’ll be fine.” Oikawa nodded. “I just need a distraction while I get over it.”

“Oh?” Ushijima’s eyebrows shot up and he bit his lip as he stared at Oikawa. 

“Mhm.” Oikawa moved closer to Ushijima on the bench and stared into his eyes, placing his hand on Ushijima’s thigh. “So… think you can help me out with that?” 

Ushijima coughed, looking at the placement of Oikawa’s hand. “So, does that mean you’ll go out with me?” 

Oikawa laughed and leaned closer to Ushijima, so their faces were nearly touching. “Sure, Ushi. Take me out.” 

“O-okay.” Ushijima blinked as his cheeks flushed. 

“But can’t you distract me right now?” 

“How?”

. “I think you know.” Oikawa said and moved his hand further up Ushijima’s thigh. He smirked as he heard Ushijima gasp at his touch. He looked into his eyes for a long moment before placing an uncertain kiss on Ushijima’s lips. Ushijima opened his mouth for Oikawa to slide his tongue inside. 

“Oikawa… someone might see…” Ushijima said, pulling away and looking at him nervously. 

“Who? No one is here Ushi.” Oikawa said and smirked as he straddles Ushijima on the bench, licking his lips before pressing them against Ushijima’s again. He began grinding on Ushijima’s lap, moving his hands behind Ushijima’s neck, stroking his nape and pulling him closer, deepening the kiss. 

“Still…” Ushijima said breathlessly and he stood up, carrying Oikawa, who put his legs around Ushijima’s waist, to the locker room. The entire walk across the gym Oikawa kissed and sucked on Ushijima’s neck, leaving little marks on his skin. Ushijima put Oikawa down and, eliciting a gasp from Oikawa, pushed him against the lockers, pinning his hands above his head. He didn’t hesitate before plunging his lips against Oikawa’s again, his chest heaving. 

Oikawa kissed back for a few moments until he pulled away, chuckling. “Wow, Ushijima, you want me bad, huh?” He reached his hand to Ushijima’s crotch, feeling his hard cock bulging underneath the thin fabric of his pants. 

“I’ve been telling you that.” Ushijima said and began to grind his hips, moving his dick against Oikawa’s hand. 

“So, have me.” Oikawa leaned and whispered in his ear, tugging on his ear lobe with his teeth as he pulled away. 

Ushijima let out a low moan and his eyes widened as he looked back at Oikawa. “Are you sure?” He raised his eyebrows. 

Oikawa rolled his eyes and sighed in frustration. He took Ushijima’s hand and placed it on his dick. “Don’t I feel sure?” He smirked. “Now, fuck me, Ushiwaka.” 

After getting Oikawa’s consent, Ushijima didn’t waste any time. He roughly turned Oikawa around and yanked his pants down. As they fell to his ankles, Oikawa let out a moan and turned his head to look at Ushijima.

“What if someone hears us?” 

Ushijima just chuckled a response and rubbed Oikawa’s ass, swatting it with his palm. Ushijima had big, strong hands and the smack left his skin a rosy shade of pink. He brought his hand against Oikawa a few more times before he moved his fingers to Oikawa’s waiting hole. He swirled his fingers around it, and after what Oikawa thought was forever, thrust inside, moaning as he felt Oikawa constrict around his finger. He pushed in and out a few times before adding another finger, kissing and sucking on the soft skin on Oikawa’s neck. Oikawa moaned, a hand flying to cover his mouth as he began to feel the pleasure of Ushijima’s fingers. Ushijima moved Oikawa’s hand from his mouth and held it against his side. 

“I want to hear you.” Ushijima told him, commanding, as he forced a third finger into Oikawa, who whined for more and moved his ass back, pushing Ushijima deeper inside. 

“Please, more!” Oikawa said and turned to try and look at Ushijima. His face was flushed and tears welled in his eyes as he begged. “Your cock, please!” 

Ushijima bit his lip, letting out a shaky sigh, before taking his fingers out and rubbing his cock against Oikawa’s entrance. He spread Oikawa’s legs wider as he leaned and whispered in his ear in a low, gruff voice, “Ready?” 

Oikawa gasped and reached his hand to hold Ushijima’s, interlocking their fingers and squeezing his strong hand. “Fuck me!” 

Ushijima obliged and slid his cock inside Oikawa’s twitching hole. Oikawa let out a soft whimper and his head rolled back in pleasure. Ushijima pushed inside and stayed motionless for a moment before beginning to move slowly as Oikawa adjusted to his girth. When Oikawa’s moans became louder, Ushijima moved faster, thrusting into him with purpose. His nails dragged up Oikawa’s thighs, leaving scratch marks on his skin, as his thrusts became more desperate, sloppier. 

“Oh my god-“ Oikawa squinted his eyes shut as Ushijima angled himself and pressed against his sweet spot. He moved his free hand to his own cock, which was swollen and dripping, and began to stroke himself. 

“Good boy. I want you to cum for me.” Ushijima ordered in a loud whisper, nibbling on Oikawa’s ear lobe as he pulled away. He kept thrusting, grunting as he sucked on Oikawa’s skin, his chest heaving against Oikawa’s back as he panted like a dog in heat. 

Oikawa’s moans became louder and shakier with every time Ushijima pushed deep inside him. As Ushijima moved his hands to Oikawa’s chest, swirling around his nipples as they hardened, Oikawa felt his legs shake, his ass tightening against Ushijima’s dick, he was nearly over the edge. His breathing hitched in his through and when Ushijima whispered in his ear, Oikawa couldn’t hold it off anymore. 

“Ah, Ushi-!” Oikawa couldn’t finish his sentence, violently cumming, emitting ribbons of semen onto his hands and the locker in front of him. 

Ushijima continued to bury his cock in Oikawa’s ass even after Oikawa’s release and the overstimulation caused Oikawa to whimper, some drool escaping his lips. Seeing and hearing Oikawa lose control and become a moaning, shaking mess, sent Ushijima to his limit and with a final, brutal snap of his hips, he came deep inside Oikawa, burying his face in Oikawa’s neck to muffle his loud moans. 

After a few moments of shallow thrusting, Ushijima pulled out of Oikawa, panting as he tried to catch his breath. He peppered Oikawa’s nape and shoulders with gentle kisses before he roughly turned Oikawa to face him, cupping his face with his hands and looking into his eyes as he kissed him forcefully. He pulled away and released Oikawa from his grasp, standing back to admire Oikawa in the state he was in, still moaning and shaking. He grabbed a towel from his gym bag and carefully mopped up the cum from Oikawa’s stomach. 

Oikawa watched Ushijima carefully, noting the care he took in cleaning him up. His legs still shaking, Oikawa let out a soft moan of pleasure, blushing as he hears himself. 

“So…” Oikawa said, looking away as he pulled his pants up. 

Ushijima chuckled. “So, what?” 

“I guess you can knock that off your bucket list.” Oikawa scoffed and wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead. 

“What do you mean?” Ushijima furrowed his brow. 

Oikawa rolled his eyes and moved away from Ushijima, who was still standing close to him, their bodies nearly touching. “I just mean, you always wanted to fuck me, now you have.” 

“Yeah but…” Ushijima looked down and packed his gym bag, getting ready to leave. 

Eyebrows raised, Oikawa waited for him to finish his sentence. 

Ushijima sighed. “But… that’s not all I want from you.” 

Now it was Oikawa’s turn to be confused. “What do you mean?” 

Ushijima wrapped a hand around Oikawa’s waist and pulled him close into him, his olive eyes boring into Oikawa’s. Oikawa felt his heart flutter in his chest. “I mean I want to date you. I thought you knew that.” 

“But I’m dating Iwaizumi…” Oikawa looked down and gulped, suddenly flooded with guilt for what he had just done. 

“You said you broke up.” Ushijima’s tone was flat and cold. He never would have gotten so carried away if he had known Oikawa and Iwaizumi were still together. Even though he had always pined for Oikawa, he still liked and respected Iwaizumi as a person, and he wouldn’t have wanted to ruin their relationship just for a quickie. Even if it was a quickie with the man of his dreams. 

Oikawa pursed his lips. “Right. We did.” 

“So…?” 

“It’s way too soon for me to date someone else, Ushi.” Oikawa said and despite his disappointment, Ushijima blushed as Oikawa shortened his name. 

Ushijima sighed and pressed a strong kiss against Oikawa’s forehead. “Well, if you want to do this again… you have my number.” Ushijima offered a small smile before heading out of the locker room. 

Oikawa leaned against the locker and slumped to the floor, resting his head in his hands. He could already feel the stinging of small bruises where Ushijima had sucked and bit his skin. He pulled his phone out and, seeing the picture of he and Iwa-Chan on his background, let out a wracking sob, his whole body shaking as he cried. 

After several minutes of self-pity, Oikawa pulled himself together and walked, rather limped, out of the building. As he walked away, he glared at the monstrosity of a school behind him. “I really should not have gone to Shiratorizawa.” He muttered to himself, still sickened by his actions. 

Oikawa spent the first few days of summer holidays avoiding his responsibilities and moping. He hadn’t spoken to Iwaizumi, and Iwaizumi hadn’t tried to reach him. For the first time in his life, Oikawa thought about the possibility that Iwa wouldn’t be the permanent fixture he had always thought he would, and so he slowly began the process of trying to get over losing the love of his life. He packed away their photos, storing them for a day when his heart didn’t shatter into a million pieces when he looked at them. Oikawa put all of Iwaizumi’s things into a box, shoving it a dark corner of his closet. 

Every day since they broke up was painful; there wasn’t a thing in his daily life that didn’t remind him of Iwa-Chan. He got into the habit of writing things in a journal. He recorded anything that happened that he normally would have told Iwa but couldn’t. Until one day he went out and left his journal at home. He found himself being able to enjoy the outing without wishing Iwaizumi was there to experience it with him. After that, Oikawa tucked the journal into the Iwa box, preserving it for a day when, or if, they finally spoke again. 

It was halfway through summer vacation when Oikawa sent the text. He was sitting alone at his house on a Friday and, like many other lonely nights, a memory invaded his brain. It was a memory he wished he didn’t have and more than that, he wished he didn’t continue replaying it. As snapshots of Ushijima’s flushed face leaning to kiss him appeared on a reel in his mind, Oikawa flopped onto his bed and covered his head with his pillow. As hard as he tried, he couldn’t get the images of Ushijima out of his mind, the echoes of his voice a song stuck on repeat.

Oikawa sat up abruptly and reached for his phone, sending a message he was almost certain he would regret.

_I want to do it again._

He tossed his phone across the room after he pressed send, bracing himself to be left on delivered, but the familiar chime signalling a text message rang out into the quiet of his bedroom almost immediately after the phone had left his hands. Oikawa scrambled across the floor to read it. 

Within half an hour, Ushijima was in Oikawa’s bed, their limbs tangled against one another, Ushijima giving Oikawa a full concert of his melodic moans as he proved, once again, that there was nothing he wasn’t good at.

“Took you long enough.” Ushijima chuckled. Oikawa was laying in the crook of his arm and turned to look at him, his brow knitted in confusion. “To realize you couldn’t live without me.” Ushijima finished his sentence. 

Oikawa rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Don’t be so cocky.” He said and nosed Ushijima’s neck tenderly. 

“Okay, but I really didn’t think I’d hear from you again.” Ushijima said. 

“Well, you won’t again. After tonight.” Oikawa said, huffing air from his nose.

Ushijima just kissed the top of his head in response, squeezing him closer in a hug. 

But Ushijima did hear from him again. In fact, he heard from him nearly every day since Oikawa sent the text. At first, they just spent time tangled together, getting lost in each other’s bodies. But one day, they ended up leaving the bedroom to pick up the takeout they ordered. After that, they went out often. They began to hold hands while walking and Oikawa got used to Ushijima wrapping an arm protectively around his waist as they crossed the street. Eventually, they would even stay home, fully clothed, while Oikawa spent hours telling stories as Ushijima listened quietly, just humming responses, with his hands moving gently through Oikawa’s hair.

It was natural, their evolution, and Oikawa couldn’t pinpoint the moment he fell in love with Ushijima. But one day, he realized that when he woke up in the morning, Toshi’s face was the first thing he saw. He never thought of his Iwaizumi journal again, because when something exciting happened throughout the day, Ushijima was the first one he wanted to tell. And he usually ended up telling him while lying on his shoulder, breathing in his familiar scent, while Ushijima traced circles on his bare skin. But their relationship was new, and they were still learning about one another. Caught up in insecurities and doubt, Oikawa didn’t want to be the first one to say it, although the 3 words were always on the tip of his tongue. 

When Oikawa felt as though nothing could ruin his budding relationship with Ushijima, he received an unexpected message from Iwaizumi. 

_I’m leaving tomorrow and I need to see you. Meet me at our spot tonight._

Oikawa stared at the message on his screen, blinking again and again as his stomach sunk. “Fuck…” he muttered under his breath, so he didn’t disturb Ushijima, who was dozing peacefully next to him. He bit his lip and tried to sort out his thoughts. 

_Time?_ Oikawa’s hands shook as he sent the message. He crawled over Ushijima to get out of bed, heading to the hallway and pacing back and forth. 

_7 PM._

So, Oikawa concocted an excuse for why he couldn’t go to dinner with Ushijima and spent the day rummaging through the box that had been so safely tucked away at the back of his closet, trying to sort out his feelings. He smiled as he looked at a picture of he and Iwa-Chan from Iwa’s birthday. Oikawa had his arms slung around Iwaizumi’s neck, planting a kiss on his forehead, and Iwaizumi scowled up at him. It perfectly encapsulated their relationship. His hands shook as he tucked everything back into the box, silent tears trickling down his cheeks. By the time 6:30 rolled around, Oikawa had finally managed to compose himself. He sprayed cologne on his neck before embarking on the longest walk of his life. 

Oikawa stopped in his tracks as he saw Iwaizumi sitting on a swing in the middle of the park. It was the same park that had seen their first kiss, and many kisses since then. His breath hitched in his chest as he approached his oldest friend.

“I wasn’t sure you were coming.” Iwaizumi said, his eyes trained on Oikawa, causing the latter to blush. 

“I said I would.” Oikawa sat on the swing next to Iwa-Chan and slowly rocked back and forth, his feet dragging in the sand. 

Iwaizumi sighed and stopped the motion of his own swing, pivoting slightly to face Oikawa. “So, I’m leaving tomorrow.” 

Oikawa didn’t look at him. “So you said.” 

Iwaizumi tugged on the chain of Oikawa’s swing, stopping his motion and causing Oikawa to look at him, his expression cold and unrevealing. “I can’t lose you.” Iwaizumi said, as if he hadn’t already. “We can make this work.” He continued even though Oikawa hadn’t responded. 

Oikawa furrowed his brow, “Make what work?” 

“Long distance.” Iwaizumi placed his hands on the chain of Oikawa’s swing, pulling him closer, he leaned so their faces were almost touching. Oikawa didn’t move away. “I know you’re mad at me for not telling you about Kyoto U., but I’ll make it up to you. We can do this, Tooru. We have to.” 

Oikawa stared into Iwaizumi’s eyes, surprised at his pleading. “I’m not mad, Iwa-Chan.” He sighed and looked down, avoiding Iwa’s intense gaze. “I was. But, I got over it.” 

“Great! Then we can move on with our lives already.” Iwaizumi said hopefully. 

Oikawa raised his eyes again, his heart breaking as he saw Iwaizumi’s earnest expression. “Right. Well, I have moved on.” 

“Exactly! I knew you would just need time to cool off.” Iwa said. “And now we can get back to normal. Long distance isn’t even that hard, I’ve done a lot of research about it. Plus, Kyoto isn’t too far. We can see each other all the time.” 

Oikawa came back to reality and shook his head. “No, Hajime.” 

Iwaizumi’s expression changed as Oikawa addressed him by his given name. Throughout their relationship, Oikawa had only called him that a handful of times, and it was usually followed by something serious. In an attempt to convince Oikawa his intentions were serious, he wrapped his hand around the back of Oikawa’s head and pulled him close, crashing their lips together. He let out a low moan as his tongue slid across Oikawa’s lips and into his mouth. 

As they kissed, Ushijima’s face flashed in Oikawa’s mind. He quickly pulled away and wiped his mouth, glaring at Iwaizumi. “Would you listen to me?” He snapped. “When I said I moved on…” Oikawa paused, his tone softened as he looked at Iwaizumi’s expectant face. “I meant with someone else.” 

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened and as he stared at Oikawa, speechless, it was as if the park had walls that began to close around him. He took a sharp inhale before he managed to speak. “What? How?” 

Oikawa couldn’t stop a small smile from tugging at his lips as he thought about Ushijima. “Easy. You lied to me and then gave up on us.” Oikawa said coldly, shrugging. 

“But I haven’t given up. I’m right here.” Iwaizumi said softly, reaching his hand out and placing it on Oikawa’s thigh, squeezing him. 

Oikawa shook his head and swiped Iwa’s hand from his leg. “It’s too late.” He thought for a long moment before standing up, preparing to leave, words he had been waiting to say tickling his lips as they spilled out. “I love him. I’m in love with him.” Oikawa admitted, pounding the final nail into the coffin of their relationship.

. Iwaizumi stood up abruptly, grabbing Oikawa’s arm roughly, urging him to stay. “And… what about us? Can’t we at least try?” 

Oikawa kicked some sand with his shoe, tears filling his eyes. “You will always have a special place in my heart, Iwa-Chan. But it’s over.” 

Iwa’s face was red and displayed genuine confusion. “Please, Tooru, don’t do this.” His hands were fists as he dug nails into his palms, trying not to cry. 

Oikawa leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Iwaizumi in a hug. But as he did so, the floodgates within Iwa’s eyes opened and tears rushed down his face. The hug didn’t feel like Oikawa accepting his offer, or even considering it, it felt like goodbye. Oikawa pulled away and looked at Iwa-Chan, wiping the tears from his face. 

“I’ll miss you, Hajime.” He said, pressing his forehead against Iwaizumi’s. 

Iwa almost smiled, hearing Oikawa say his name so tenderly, and his heart shattered as he realized it might be the only time he’d hear it. He shook silently as he sobbed, holding onto the sleev of Oikawa’s jacket until Oikawa pulled away, turning to leave. 

“I’ll always love you, Tooru.” He breathed as he watched Oikawa disappearing the same way he came.

Iwaizumi’s words were carried in the breeze and, hearing them, Oikawa nearly turned around. Instead, he muttered to thin air, “And I’ll always love you, Iwa-Chan.” 

He smiled softly, his pace increasing as he rounded the corner, walking with magnetic purpose to Ushijima’s house, ready to tell him how he really felt about him.


End file.
